I just lied to someone because I didn’t want to speak to them on the phone. I don’t know if that makes me a sinner, considering I fasted today thinking that I could use all the extra sawaab I could get. At some level, I suppose we all could use a bonus now and then.
They say you should leave doors open, not closed, in order to keep the positive energies balanced. After my nightmare fiasco, followed by an exorcism of sorts on the room, I feel safe again.
I read by the fireplace (how quaint!) all day today, bundled up in my patent maroon shawl and blue socks. Since I recently watched this great movie, I got my hands on the book (I know, wrong order) and after a really long time, read something which was real (fiction doesn’t always inspire me, somehow) and wasn’t Pakistani politics. The protagonist’s journals were found with his favorite quotes in them. On loneliness he quoted James Joyce: “He was alone. He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life. He was alone and young and willful and wildhearted, alone amid a waste of wild air and brackish waters and the seaharvest of shells and tangle and veiled grey sunlight.” To this Z ever so astutely remarked, ‘see it goes to show loneliness is so underrated’. I couldn’t agree more, although of course there was a lot more I had to say about his skewed notions of loneliness.
In the spirit of Eid, I decided to flick through the usual last ten channels on the cable and landed up on a show playing old Bollywood classics. Always a heartwarming and welcome choice. Piya tose naina lagay re, kabhi kabhi, sagar kinaray, tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa, and others. Although the music had absolutely nothing to do with Eid, I didn’t mind. The neighbor’s bakra was baah-ing in the distance and I was glad my window didn’t face the neighbor’s backyard as it had used to for the past 15 years.
I was hungry because I’d eaten dinner at 5:30pm, and then binged on a cheese, chilli garlic ketchup and olive sandwich (in toasted brown bread), followed by some spoonfuls from the bowlful of chanay ki chaat for tomorrow’s trolley. I hope the uneven layer on top isn’t an instant giveaway. If so I’ll blame it on abbu because he loves chaat, and I’m normally not a big fan of channay, although these were exceptionally delicious (not tasty).
I just (trying to figure out the English equivalent for charhaofied) my night blanket with its cover, as per ammi’s strict instructions not to sleep in her shaadi wali razai (with satin patchwork, lace and beads) without the cover on, or face the consequences, only to realize the stupid zip had broken in the washing machine.
I picked up some newly stitched clothes from the tailor today and am wondering if wearing black and gold on Eid is sacrilegious. Also, it’s their song, not mine, so I’ll feel like a usurper.
In any case, let’s make it a point to think about the less fortunate this Eid. Have a humble, yet joyous Eid filled with prayers and love from your well-wishers. It will be particularly lonely this time around again. But I’m not going to complain.