Monday, March 24, 2008

There you go again.

Some day you will find me

Caught beneath the landslide

In a champaign supernove-r in the sky.

Friday, March 21, 2008


There's always a time to try something new. Although with me, new rarely seems to work. For example when I decide to order Mediterranean Chicken instead of Thai Chicken Noodles, or buy high heels instead of keds (Maryam: Sana, buss kar do jogger khareedna!). I can never have enough sneakers. Maryam will be trying on heels, pointy boots and lace-ups and I'll be hovering around the army printed converse sneakers. But I proudly admit, today I bought my second pair of overtly girly shoes. After my Debenhams splurge on black heels, I procured my first pair of wedges - black with tiny white polka dots, kitten wedge heels and a bow on the open toe area. I know Mina is proud of me already :) Its not that I don't own/wear feminine shoes, they've always been bought by Amma Abbu, who insist I'm too short. 5'4'' (I hope i got the apostrophes right) is a pretty decent height, by desi standards at least. Not my fault if I'm surrounded by 5'7ers all the time.

Anyway. It rained all day while I spent a nice quiet afternoon at Oxford Street, shopping alone. I love shopping alone. I took my own sweet time, as Sanya likes to put it, and did not buy anything I didn't need *proud. Ate halal chicken pizza on the way back (jis pe bohut logon ne nazrain mareen, for some odd reason!) This old woman passing by pointed to it saying, is that my dinner? (no b****, its my lunch) Geez. Has no one seen pizza before? Pitza.

Have I told you about the S syndrome? Well, as if Paster (Pasta), Sanerrr (thats me!) and Ideeyurr (Idea) weren't enough, the S Syndrome bugs me even more. Well, actually I cant decide what bugs me more: Chinese people like (Aphro) from the boonies of Cheen calling me Sanerr (hello, youre not angrez! you dont even speak proper angrezi!) or the extra S on every single frikking thing. Lets go shopping to Tescossssss. Tescos kya hota hai!? Hey, I want to straighten my hair, can i borrow your straightenerssss?? (fake stab to fake death)

Seriously man. At least speak your language properly. I mean theek hai, calling Hobnob HobnobS back home, or McDonalds err, McDonalds (?) is acceptable lekin straighteners? especially when they're referring to it as a singular object. This, to me, is even worse than HeyZzZ, ByeZzz, LolZZZ, HelloZzz, LaterZzZ and my new addition, a retaliation to all Z's TufaylzZ. Ultimate Cheapster. Slick Baal and Orkut Stalker. You get the picture.


Random statistic of the day: My flat mate Sjors is 6'6. My head reaches below his shoulder and my shoulder his elbow. Haha!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

No Frills

Pink lilies and crisp white tablecloths
Butter chicken and garlic rice
High heels and backless blouses
Shaved legs and fake tans
Six packs and sunglasses
Feathers and drums
Offbeat rhythm and
Purple stained mouths.

Where do we fit in.

Friday, March 14, 2008

The Last Friday and Before

I had an exam today. After, almost a year, I think. It was a mock exam, but we were under exam conditions. It went like my exams usually go. Not bad, not great, but I always underestimate myself and turns out I didn't do so badly after all. It felt strange, how my classes are over. No more Fridays with Rebecca. No more coffee/hot chocolate at Cafe Crema with its random furniture and oddly shaped tables and chairs. The green sainsbury's mugs and Fay's roasted potatoes with ketchup.
We went to the Hobgoblin today instead. They were playing great music. And your song which I seem to hear, everywhere, had to play. And it did. Maybe its just a common song. I have lost hope in signs, after studying too much symbolic anthropology/structural functionalism (still don't get you, btw). I ordered a cheese baguette because everything else had ham. Zukaam bhi tha. Andy Panda's going to Cambodia for his fieldwork so we said bye to him after planning our wardrobe for his 1940's birthday party next month. Fay got a haircut, but the hairdresser went overboard and gave her a mallet, which she ended up chopping off herself into a bob. Sarah wore a floral printed top; I like her dress sense. Katie had to get back to the Tate, where she works and left early. Dina hung out with us for longer than usual, because her mom was visiting from Argentina and babysitting her son. Adara had a beer after 6 months and waved to a random guy in a nearby building window on her way to buy loo-roll from iceland. Taka was nice enough to let us all pose in his fancy hat :)


I hung out with Lenart the other night while I had Joshanda and he cous-cous and salad (Our culinary skills leave alot to be desired, yes). And he said to me, "You were born in the wrong culture." I replied back, "wait till you meet my sister then." Haha.


Surprisingly over here, they don't know who Andy Panda is! No one in England knows about him. They know about some Andy Pandy. But not Andy Panda :O So Lenart decided for me, that when I meet a guy who says, "Sure I know him! He was in that woody woodpecker cartoon" That will be it. Eureka!


Someone stole my spoon. Yes. My spoon is gone. From my cupboard. The fork, knife, plate, cup and Goldsmiths super-duper coffee mug is there, but there is NO spoon. And you cant imagine how I have had my cereal for the past two days, after super scrubbing the nicest looking communal spoon and trying not to think of all the mouths its been in, while keeping minimal contact with mine. Ugh.


I wore my Shins t-shirt to the Hard Rock cafe last weekend, and a waitress stopped in her tracks in the middle of the restaurant and said to me "OMG thats an AWESOME BAG!" Slightly taken aback at her random burst of enthusiasm I pointed to my beaded wallet/camera bag and said, this? and she pointed to my t-shirt, repeating herself. And i thought,! :)


There's a sticky patch on my desk and as I type right now, my elbow keeps getting stuck on it, but I phairofy my hand and its dry. Grumble. I spent last night listening to awesome old Indian film songs from ammis zamana :)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Great Beyond

Ive watched the stars fall silent from your eyes
All the sights that I have seen
I cant believe that I believed I wished
That you could see
Theres a new planet in the solar system
Theres nothing up my sleeve

Im pushing an elephant up the stairs
Im tossing up punchlines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground

And all this talk of time
Talk is fine
And I dont want to stay around
Why cant we pantomime, just close our eyes
And sleep sweet dreams
Being here with wings on our feet

Im breaking through
Im bending spoons
Im keeping flowers in full bloom
Im looking for answers from the great beyond

I want the hummingbirds, the dancing bears
Sweetest dreams of you
Look into the stars
Look into the moon

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Thats what BBC Weather predicted,
And thats why I dreamt of my childhood:
Maria Hasan and I wearing shorts
Waking me up before my time

Prayers and green cardigans
with ruffled edges and chunky buttons
Cannot erase the faces on TV screens
That sing your songs

There is no meter or rhyme in this verse
Spoken with a bleeding lip, bit on too hard
Just a soft pear and fuzzy slippers
Will do for now.

Friday, March 07, 2008

two things I learnt recently

"...and innocent people only fall in love once
when you fall in love a second time is when you lose your innocence."


Maggi noodles taste equally bad in any part of the world, even if Batchelors made them. Bleurgh.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

A Good Laugh

Instructions: Scroll all the way down to the bottom, then read up.


(Or, alternatively, you could've just clicked on 'older messages' on my c-box)
16 Nov 06, 19:18
roger waters: i want my band back!!
9 Nov 06, 02:07
ahoy: shiver me timbers... but never!!!!
8 Nov 06, 16:25
Aghast: !!! SUBWAY RULES!!! you take that back !!
8 Nov 06, 13:24
panda: i hate subway, jaree bootian
7 Nov 06, 15:45
bagheera: come back home foo', i BORE. will take you to subway *bribe*
7 Nov 06, 10:46
Akhtar, Shoaib******: I'll be back
16 Oct 06, 03:58
cisco disco molvee: la howla
15 Oct 06, 16:55
mystikal: shake ur ass but watch urself!!
8 Oct 06, 23:16
baker: you are my sugar coated flake of corn
27 Sep 06, 14:06
everyone: shutup
27 Sep 06, 11:05
shutup: everyone
23 Sep 06, 23:18
lower undercower: sexxxxyy
20 Sep 06, 05:41
Air: I have sound
12 Sep 06, 12:09
Simply SOnu: hayee meray dil ki darkhannnn (8)
12 Sep 06, 11:56
Wierd Russian: Not a crime!!
11 Sep 06, 19:48
gobar eater: dhaika taika
11 Sep 06, 14:08
punjabi: im sure all that i say wont be censored.. o bhainnss
11 Sep 06, 11:14
anonymous: hhahahaha the f-word is censorreedd
11 Sep 06, 11:14
anonymous: i wonder what else is censored...****? crap?
10 Sep 06, 07:52
haha: hahahaha everythings so funny!
10 Sep 06, 05:43
haw ****: haha
10 Sep 06, 00:15
pachanga: heyyy carlito man! let's go get some chalupas
7 Sep 06, 13:29
safai-wali: clean up this gund yaar. ewww!
6 Sep 06, 10:10
shiyte: omg s h i t is censored here HAHAHAHAA
6 Sep 06, 10:10
no-****: STOP the **** talk :0
11 Aug 06, 16:36
weaa-sall: yuucckk.
8 Aug 06, 22:56
khattey padd: matt maaro, miss diarrhoea
7 Aug 06, 13:27
weaa-sall: i are hungry.
1 Jul 06, 06:16
Blue Car: SMS ME
30 Jun 06, 12:37
khatti khoonta: get rid of da zit mayaann
21 Jun 06, 07:22
Maradona: Haha I KNOW who you are you H-LO persuN!
19 Jun 06, 23:39
ronaldo tpotty eater: me
17 Jun 06, 05:06
Maradona: Who is my driver
13 Jun 06, 13:23
batinda: yuck
12 Jun 06, 13:59
srinivas.gudi: namskara
31 May 06, 13:59
tum tatti ho: haan lame.
28 May 06, 14:32
Ali Jee: Is you Madonna?
27 May 06, 11:35
happybug: i'm da winna, i'm da winna *does stupid but funny govinda dance*
24 May 06, 14:44
lame: yo that was not a cool joke
17 May 06, 08:52
fart: phoosi matt maaro
15 May 06, 10:00
angel: H-LO plus A-LO = HA-LO
15 May 06, 09:59
A-LO: sharpie is I roberto de bruce lee. click on the link it is even more entertaining. Im sure we've met
14 May 06, 11:58
i get it: A-Lo is Arif Lohaaaaar!!! HAHAHAHA... yaar yeh sharpie kon hai?!? we must meet!!
14 May 06, 00:50
chumbawumba: deedar ko tarseyy akhiyaann
7 May 06, 21:33
A-LO: don't be fooled by the chimta that i got, i'm still unemployed in lahore
7 May 06, 01:08
H-Lo: don't be fooled by the food that i got, i'm still hippy from the swamp...
2 May 06, 05:03
hippopotamus: I'm a hippopotamus and I like to sing about the noodles on my back, noodles on my back.
2 May 06, 00:06
aunt Mae: i miss uncle bobs noodles too
29 Apr 06, 20:17
mama bear: honey... did you bring the humans for the karahi?
24 Apr 06, 16:29
unclebob: i miss
24 Apr 06, 03:45
papa bear: thank god, i hate porridge
24 Apr 06, 00:41
chun: i luv grumpybug
20 Apr 06, 22:31
grumpybug: tutti
12 Apr 06, 17:37
observation: the last 3 msgs (this inclusive) are by the same persun!!
12 Apr 06, 17:37
what: you're tent?
12 Apr 06, 17:37
NiN: There is no you, there is only ME!!! hahaha I'm Trent
12 Apr 06, 06:23
radiohead: iradio
11 Apr 06, 14:35
grumpybug: grump grump grump
11 Apr 06, 01:38
bazaroo: bhutta = gay
10 Apr 06, 15:43
ipod: im not gay
10 Apr 06, 15:41
igay: were all gayS hahaha
9 Apr 06, 16:14
bally sagoo: chak dey!!
8 Apr 06, 11:51
bazaroo: dhoom se nach
7 Apr 06, 00:46
observation: Nick Carterm A.Jay Kevin and Brain are the same person!!
4 Apr 06, 12:49
Brian: No body likes me... :'(
4 Apr 06, 12:48
Kevin: I don't belong here
4 Apr 06, 12:48
A. Jay: my name should be A GAY
4 Apr 06, 12:47
Nick Carter: :(
4 Apr 06, 01:53
howie: he was the cutest waisay! hahahahaha
28 Mar 06, 03:03
backstreet boy: aren't ve...kewl?
28 Mar 06, 03:03
backstreet boy: aa vai nick
27 Mar 06, 20:01
nick: who called me by my real name?
26 Mar 06, 20:56
kamar: who called ME by my nick name
26 Mar 06, 20:55
antynom: who called me by my nickname?
25 Mar 06, 17:34
hahaa!: back matlab front ka opposite alma!
25 Mar 06, 02:34
explanation: yaar actually waist size is huge, that's why back is big
24 Mar 06, 23:22
Phaday Baaz: bari back hai... scarsdale?
23 Mar 06, 19:00
im BACK: HELLO! let the action begin
5 Mar 06, 00:53
moonshine: Please do something!
5 Mar 06, 00:34
Sunscreen?: C'mon... write... write anything! don't forsake this blog... your the one that got me started on this racket! 8D
24 Feb 06, 12:20
Peter PAN-doo: liss-tten paliss aksept moaye affer aaf frandship. Beecaaz eye am vary kool with a kay
22 Feb 06, 16:17
i yam AB-See-Dee: bot veeyur all paindoo here or aboard. *snorts up snot*
21 Feb 06, 00:24
Peter PAN-doo: peter be nimble, peter be quick, peter do something about these nicks
20 Feb 06, 22:48
paindoo: were cool, what made u think otherwise hain? *klashenikov*
16 Feb 06, 11:12
paindoo pakistani: wanna frandship anonymous?
16 Feb 06, 06:50
anonymous: heyyy just wanted to say i think your blog is reallly cool. im from pakistan but i live abroad and it just seems like you are not the typical paindoo pakistani but like a cool one
12 Feb 06, 10:54
mahir: what's going on here? how's you gamur?
6 Feb 06, 03:34
Anil Kapoor: 1 2 ka 4. 4 2 ka 1.
5 Feb 06, 11:51
mistah lovah lovah: hayy-ya! teri aankhon ka jadoo
4 Feb 06, 10:47
kala: yoo yo yo yoyoo yoo yo
2 Feb 06, 23:48
kanye: but when u get on he leaves yo ass for a white girl
2 Feb 06, 18:54
hahaa: ayehaye
30 Jan 06, 11:41
heart broken: it's not me
30 Jan 06, 10:26
huma: what on earth...hai i didnt know u had a loverrr.
28 Jan 06, 21:03
shutup!: lamers
27 Jan 06, 11:23
Teacher: Sshhh
25 Jan 06, 10:19
Fag: marry ME, Umer
22 Jan 06, 04:32
Umer: By the way nice blog,I don't know any1 of you,but I shared some beautiful moments with u all, u people won't feel..Take care..Allah Hafiz
22 Jan 06, 04:26
umer: Nice replies to my message.Thing is that I was thinking something that time and I wrote intuitively I found the place to write..Anyway
22 Jan 06, 00:30
romantic: I will marry, Marry