Thursday, February 28, 2008

This happened yesterday

I saw you! I took the first seat upon entering the semi-crowded library, facing the corridor between the bookshelves. Reading about refugee rights and non-refoulement (pronounced the French way please), and getting a tad bit bored, I saw you walk past briskly, to the fourth shelf. Wearing your backpack, hat and scarf, just the way you do. It had to be you. You disappeared behind the books, as I craned my neck trying to get a better look. Then mini-skirt girl with bra strap showing intervened. Grump*

A few minutes later, you crossed once again! But this time you stopped, stood in the middle of the corridor and looked me straight in the eye. As if waiting for some acknowledgement. For five whole seconds (I counted). It felt like those moments when you forget there are other people within your field of vision. Slightly taken aback, yet secretly excited, I pretended to stare into space. You know I can't make eye contact. But this time, maybe I did.

It WAS you.

Before I could get up and walk down towards you, you turned your back, and started walking in the opposite direction. Dropped your backpack on the floor and sat to read. Casually, I pretended to be lost and inched my way to where you sat. And there you were. With your bald patch, drooping shoulders and wrinkled neck.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Lend Me Your Words

You stand in a circle. It’s easier if you are five people, because four can be mistaken for a square. Look at each other and speak to each other. Pretend I’m not in the room. Leave all your things behind. Speak from the heart. Take a deep breath and go.

Who wants to go first?

Someone is picked, before there is a chance to hide. Someone speaks. Touches ever so slightly; technically spot on, they say.

But then you speak. And everyone listens. Silence. You can’t even hear breathing, because you take everyone’s breath away. Entranced. You break the circle. There are garbled utterances here and there as we struggle to go on. We choke silently.

It ends there. It ends at you. The circle.

This isn’t the first time. But we are forced to become non-believers.


We’ll have to come back next Wednesday.

"I'll see you in another life....when we both are cats"

Monday, February 18, 2008

Unrelated lyric of the day

"Son, why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see."

Clothes seem to get in my way. No, I dont mean I feel the urge to streak across town, but just layers upon layers, upon further layers, I feel restricted. I want to drop the coat, scarf and hat, open my hair and move my arms freely. Feel the strap of my bag on my shoulder and not on the 4 layers of clothing in between. Flex my shoulders. See my feet again.

Can't wait till Summer :)

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Goodnight and Go

Heard this song after ages, loved it.
".....Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
Follow you home, you've got your headphones on and you're dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot you taking everything off watch the curtains wide open
Then you fall in the same routine flicking through the TV relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone...
Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
One of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things, any excuse to stay awake with you
You'll sleep here, i'll sleep there, but then the heating may be down again
at my convenience
we'd be good, we'd be great together.
Say goodnight and go,
why's it always always
goodnight and go
Darling not again
Goodnight and go."

Monday, February 11, 2008

"I think your name is magical"

"This is it, Joel.

It's gonna be gone soon.

I know.

What do we do?

Enjoy it."

Every time I watch this film, I realize something I didn't notice before.
But every time, this is always my favourite part.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Oh My God

I shock myself! HAHA.

Scroll down and see the last post on this page.

"something has changed, but i cant put my foot on it, scuttle style"

I quote myself. Once more!

Haha.

Of No Consequence

I'm listening to Wish You Were Here, after a long time. This has to be my favourite song of theirs :) No subliminal messaging here, just enjoying the nostalgia value of it.

Today the fire alarm decided to go off. Now once, not twice, not even thrice. I think it was the fifth time when I just left the building never to come back. My day began with a fire drill, in the cold wind at 9am in my pjs and a flimsy hoodie, the only thing i could grab in my drowsiness. I mean the fire-drill is every Tuesday, and thats what I kept telling myself in bed today when the alarm just wouldnt go off. But its WEDNESDAY! *hop out of bed*

The third time round I was in the shower, so I was in the cold wind in my PJ's with a towel on my head :D

The weather is lovely. Its getting better, sundown at 5:15 instead of 4:30 :D

*Lifehouse playing*

Friday, February 01, 2008

A Different Dynamic

I have changed. I realize. I find it easy to be detached, but sadden myself by my detachment at the same time. But I don't feel at a loss. I know she's married, and is no longer solely mine, but that doesnt diminish my ability to love her, or her to love me back. It works.

But I still know there is something about me that I "cant put by foot on", Scuttle style. Maybe its called independence, living alone, the liberated life, or maybe its the setting. Perhaps its just an umer ka taqaza, that I'm grown up and am for once in my life expected to act my age. Out of my parents' nest, taken out of the middle child equation, I've been written on a new line. Which starts with me and ends with me, nothing before or between. It doesn't scare me. I was the scaredy cat. Apart from my minor quirky fears, (yes, I cannot walk on the glass-bottom-bridges in PC or at the British Museum) I have not been afraid in a long time.

I don't want to mistake this newfound energy to be an outcome of cynicism or disappointment, but whatever it is, it has come from sources unknown, which I never knew resided in me. There has not been anything that I have not been able to do, thus far. I've done it all. I've learnt how to open bank accounts and fight for reimbursements, cook meals and feed myself without self pity, be alone and happy, be alone and be miserable and be terribly depressed and homesick. I've learnt how to move on, to lose one, two or three freinds all at once, to discern, to speak my mind and to defend what I believe in. This is no miracle, I know He has my back, and I can't express my gratitude for it all. Not here, at least.

Life has changed. And we all learn to adapt. I can wear my makhi shades and not feel conscious about looking like a fly anymore. I think inkeeping with the mood, its time for a new smile.