Saturday, December 05, 2009

MS.

62 isn’t really the age to leave. That’s what they said about nani too. But I just met you, sat with you on the lounge sofa, laughed with you, tried clothes on with you, criticized the darzi’s cut of the gala which was too broad for your liking. You were always so spirited, so full of energy, life and vibrancy. That is how I will always remember you. Your hilarious anecdotes of your grandchildren, children, mother, mother-in-law, naukars will always be remembered with the fondest of memories. I’ll remember picking you up from temple road, driving to goldsmiths jewelers, having chaat, and buying your favorite shadow-work joras from liberty. Your paan-stained mouth, impeccable British accent, and equally perfect urdu lehja. Your happy go lucky pragmatic approach to the most serious of things. Your pine cigarettes ki dabbi with the lighter inside. Your pink gharara on bibi khala’s mehndi. I’m glad you went peacefully. But, I still wish you had more time. Because we weren’t ready for you to leave.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Oh-Noh.

I just lied to someone because I didn’t want to speak to them on the phone. I don’t know if that makes me a sinner, considering I fasted today thinking that I could use all the extra sawaab I could get. At some level, I suppose we all could use a bonus now and then.
They say you should leave doors open, not closed, in order to keep the positive energies balanced. After my nightmare fiasco, followed by an exorcism of sorts on the room, I feel safe again.
I read by the fireplace (how quaint!) all day today, bundled up in my patent maroon shawl and blue socks. Since I recently watched this great movie, I got my hands on the book (I know, wrong order) and after a really long time, read something which was real (fiction doesn’t always inspire me, somehow) and wasn’t Pakistani politics. The protagonist’s journals were found with his favorite quotes in them. On loneliness he quoted James Joyce: “He was alone. He was unheeded, happy, and near to the wild heart of life. He was alone and young and willful and wildhearted, alone amid a waste of wild air and brackish waters and the seaharvest of shells and tangle and veiled grey sunlight.” To this Z ever so astutely remarked, ‘see it goes to show loneliness is so underrated’. I couldn’t agree more, although of course there was a lot more I had to say about his skewed notions of loneliness.
In the spirit of Eid, I decided to flick through the usual last ten channels on the cable and landed up on a show playing old Bollywood classics. Always a heartwarming and welcome choice. Piya tose naina lagay re, kabhi kabhi, sagar kinaray, tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa, and others. Although the music had absolutely nothing to do with Eid, I didn’t mind. The neighbor’s bakra was baah-ing in the distance and I was glad my window didn’t face the neighbor’s backyard as it had used to for the past 15 years.
I was hungry because I’d eaten dinner at 5:30pm, and then binged on a cheese, chilli garlic ketchup and olive sandwich (in toasted brown bread), followed by some spoonfuls from the bowlful of chanay ki chaat for tomorrow’s trolley. I hope the uneven layer on top isn’t an instant giveaway. If so I’ll blame it on abbu because he loves chaat, and I’m normally not a big fan of channay, although these were exceptionally delicious (not tasty).
I just (trying to figure out the English equivalent for charhaofied) my night blanket with its cover, as per ammi’s strict instructions not to sleep in her shaadi wali razai (with satin patchwork, lace and beads) without the cover on, or face the consequences, only to realize the stupid zip had broken in the washing machine.
I picked up some newly stitched clothes from the tailor today and am wondering if wearing black and gold on Eid is sacrilegious. Also, it’s their song, not mine, so I’ll feel like a usurper.
In any case, let’s make it a point to think about the less fortunate this Eid. Have a humble, yet joyous Eid filled with prayers and love from your well-wishers. It will be particularly lonely this time around again. But I’m not going to complain.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Devil Drives Prado.

So this is why I hate you. You’re obese, boxy and ugly. You hog up too much space, cost too much money and are driven by the most hideous, uncouth, nouveau riche, jaahil and uncompromising people. Well, most of you at least. Also, your owners have too much facial hair, wear too much starch on their shalwars and probably don’t shave their armpits because it’s an attack on their manhood. And since I love making these assumptions based on my lifelong observation (not participant-obs, god forbid I ever went native) I’m sure you also drink Halla milk. Now I need to go pray Murphy doesn’t bite me in the ass and get me married to an MNA. (with or without saath murabbay ;) hurr)

Oh yeah, and you are probably the ones hoarding up all the sugar too, because lemon tarts just don’t taste the same no more. Even the EDH (Executive Dining Hall, a step-up from the generic PDC, us somewhat privileged ones have access to) has started making savory chocolate brownies.


p.s Speaking of chocolate heroes and Cheshire cats, you remind me of soft centered orange (or strawberry, if you please) crème in the Cadbury’s milk tray.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

SwitchBitch

Hag nails are a bitch when your muse is on a roll. So is living next to a marriage lawn, where every filmi song is followed by the first 20 seconds of James Blunt’s ‘you’re beautiful’. I have a sneaking suspicion it is the filler between the medley songs, but I can’t decide what is more judge-worthy: the song itself (bolay chooriyan bolay kangna) or the filler.

Today we talked about grief and anger in the car. Today was a composite of grief with some anger on the side. The gaping-wide-like-a-fish face was replaced with amusement and borderline scorn at the audacity of some who never fail to test one’s boundaries: Epitomizing the words of truth, which are so easily ignored or overlooked, yet reinforce the very reality of your duplicity, or triplicity if that’s even a word. Who had thought mysterious scribes could be so spot on. And that parasites could turn you into stone, not dust. Everything said and done, liars will be liars and cheaters will be cheaters. But will you have that buttered, pray thee tell? Or with a side order of candy floss?

Cracking up on one’s own jokes is never a virtue, unless you’re the red faced tourist at Izmir airport in 1995. Even so, we remember you with fondness, instantly followed by a barrage of swear words. Preferably in Punjabi because as we all agreed today, English just doesn’t give you the ‘satisfaction’. So today have the satisfaction in walking away, to the place that doesn’t exist, before your imaginary curfew, because my lemon sorbet is starting to melt, if you excuse me.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

(par′ə sīt′)

Here’s to ridding oneself of another who sucks the life, laughter, happiness and joy out of life.






(unrelated)sub text: (for those who live for it) god bless you for hair goo.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Too Cool

I’m not sure what to make of the bizarre lyrics of the song Z is singing nowadays. Or of the automatic double spacing on Word 2007 documents, such as this. Or this collaboration of a million artists playing on the Oracle right now, which I think is a lie because it sounds like none of them. But I know for sure that although I’m an environmentalist at heart, I will never compromise over toilet paper usage. And when Im having waxing pain, I think my pain away with thoughts of you. I’m not even sure if that’s flatterworthy though. Haha. All this I realized somewhere near the broken soap dispenser oozing neon.

I think I've started saying 'too cool' alot. Obviously sarcastically, but still.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Snakes

"And as much as humans might want to slither into a new body each month, we can't. That is unless you have really dry skin and the weather's awful, and you don't use lotion, then maybe you can. But on a more serious note, shedding looks very tiresome and painful, two adjectives that a majority of humans are opposed to, and so, you regal reptilians shall continue to reign supreme when it comes to leaving old skin behind you." (Quoted from The Things Pets Do: The Things our Pets Do That We Can't, Won't, Or Don't Do)

Sunday, November 01, 2009

It should’ve been like the fateful day of dance practice by the school pool. Freed from desire, gawky teenagers, trainer bras, and stomach cramps. That’s when it should’ve happened. It should’ve happened when we were able bodied, healthy, solid and strong – not when our solar plexus’s would get displaced by wearing high heels for a few hours, or by lugging suitcases into overhead compartments. It should’ve happened before standing in line for a few sweaty hours to get an official identity, when Ali Noor haircuts were recorded in green plastic for the next decade. It should’ve happened when elder siblings scraped white cars on brick walls, in the driveway, after driving impeccably on the streets of township.

It should’ve happened soon after we played Alanis for musical chairs. It should’ve happened after we saw Gandhi on the school television and VCR, but before the Battle of Algiers. It could’ve happened on the phone, in orange block print, when sleeves were too short, kameezes even shorter.

It might’ve happened on the bench made of Styrofoam cups, if only we had the time.

Or on the chips driveway, under the sparkling moon amidst permutations and combinations. I wonder whether it would have happened in the half hexagon, or on the raised platform, if only we’d been in town. Or while hanging loose on tree trunks, before packaging thrift wear. Or at the speed of 90km/h on a spray-painted bridge with no boundary walls or railings. To the tune of bagpipes or even electric guitars. In an ice cream cone?

It could have happened on a plate of greasy fries, or in an empty absolut bottle. Behind a podium, with or without an audience, in song lyrics instead of prose. In a circle instead of a square. I’d have preferred it to happen in the grey jeep, by the empty windowsill, or down the library corridor.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Khan used to sing Sullivan Street in 10th grade. I heard it today after a while. March isn't too far from today.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Popping Bubbles

So I had assigned the following question to my Pakistan Studies class: imagine you are the ruler of Pakistan with unlimited authority. What three reforms would you implement to improve the socio-economic conditions in Pakistan, (focusing on specific problems which you aim to overcome through those reforms)? Well, something to that effect, the exact wording I can’t recall at this hour. Even though, ironically, I just got up after checking the last few of the first 1/3rd batch (out of a total of 108), in the emergency lamplight. Yeah, someone forgot to turn the generator switch on and since everyone in my household falls asleep at 9:45pm sharp, I was left to my own devices. Cell-phone light to reach the emergency light switch. I didn’t bother venturing out to the backyard.

And while I was reading accounts of how Pakistan will see better days, will be more literate, prosperous and healthy, in a mini euphoria of sorts, my phone lit up. Assuming it was a usual Facebook update or Shah calling me a goat, this time was an email from the Vice Chancellor, at this hour: stating that the university would be shut for an entire week starting tomorrow, following the terrorist attack at the Islamic University in Islamabad today. My heart sank. Ironic too though, because it seems like now the urban bubble is finally popping. And it is more saddening that the few who do have the resources and opportunity to pursue an education are also being denied that right.

Wallowing in these myriad thoughts, I snapped back into reality (or should I say make-believe; sometimes the distinction is blurry) as electric currents buzzed back into empty light bulbs. Trudging my way to the lonesome second storey, carrying the all-too-familiar blue books, I dug my hand into my comfort food bag and downed 2 packs of Doritos without a second thought.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Olives

Today I was scared.

For the first time, it wasn’t a told-you-so-shrug, or ‘of course this was bound to happen’, explanation. I was sitting in the car outside Shezan while Jay-Z went in to get orange juice for mother’s flu, that I heard a cacophony of voices and then one booming distinctively through a loudspeaker. As nervous drivers and motorcyclists meandered to the sidelines of the road, 8 army jeeps, heavily loaded, teeming with armored soldiers, sped past us in an olive green haze, towards the direction of Badian road. My heart leapt and my brows furrowed, as they are now while I recall today’s incident, albeit from the comfort of my bedroom. I frowned all the way home, thinking when I had left to go to work on the Mall today, past 7 odd ambulances and one fire-engine, and ironically mentioned to E about renovating his Temple Road house only a night before, a storm was already in tow. And even though I have a contradictory mix of scaredy-cat Kashmiri and fearless Pathan genes which usually tend to play out at the right times, I felt vulnerable.

If that wasn’t enough to the start of an uncomfortable evening, another calamity happened. B.A’s regular night maid was on leave so the replacement was due to fill in for tonight. Ma, who usually improvises for the maid’s absences, was sick in bed and Abbu…well, he was watching Geo. I was exiting ammi’s room with a bottle of honey and roasted garlic (desi totka for the cold), and multi-planning Saturday’s final exam, Friday’s office work and a bunch of other things in my head, when B.A fell.
Now since she’s old and hasn’t been entirely active, or rather mobile (self inflicted) for the past few years, she has been prone to falling from the atrophying muscles in her limbs. But this time, there was no one to help. Not only did I have to help haul up my 80 year old grandmother from the bathroom floor, help her sit on the stool to regain her composure before she was able to make her way back to the room, but talk her into doing so like a child. Come on, left foot, now right. Shabaash. I don’t know why it was such an upsetting experience: The fact that I had never really helped a vulnerable older person before, or the fact that my parents are also getting older. Or that I couldn’t look at my grandmother while I was helping her and coaxing her like a 5 year old. And that I was holding my breath the whole time. With a sprained right thumb and wet slippers (from the bathroom floor), I quietly left the room. I suppose it’s easy to take old people for granted, or treat their illness as a part of life.

So, I ate an apple to cheer myself up. Then I went upstairs and decided against my initial plan to chase army vans from the roof. I wasn’t in the mood. Then the landline phone rang. Twice. On the third bell, I picked up only to be greeted by three separate hellos.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Alphabet Soup II

Guilt
Now that Esteban has made his exit, after a long companionship lasting 4 years, if not more, I have to find a solution to Sanchez’s DVD tray which keeps popping open at the most inopportune moments. I suppose since transitions are on the charts nowadays, my hypocrisy is also making a public face: yes, I have become one of ‘them’ smartphone toting women. I know it is criminal to have a phone which probably values the same as a staff member’s 6 month salary. But I never splurge, otherwise. Honestly.

Identity
So I’m a little late in doing the whole ‘finding meaning in the simple and obscure things of life’ primarily because I’ve always been boxed in the other compartment. Amongst siblings, roles are reserved or ascribed, fixed almost. So if I want to start writing, I’m deviating from what I’m supposed to be good at, painting. No wonder it has taken this long to find a voice.

Anger
Speaking of which, I have realized I hate confrontations. I’d rather ignore, overlook, or move on (convincing myself along the way that it wasn’t worth it to begin with) than face the issue at hand, even if I am the one being wronged. Also my anger is so short lived that the time taken from the parking lot to the office of the HR manager who screwed up my pay-slip (for instance) is enough to cool me down and revert to my usual uber polite social self all over again: “Jee, yeh please kar dain; Shukriya”. What is up with that? I can recall life changing moments when all I said was something to the effect of it aint over till the fat lady sings, where I should’ve probably punched the person on the face, or at least stomped on their polished shoes. This could be a personality flaw.

Lust
Wisdom often comes from unexpected sources and people, especially if they are 9 years your junior. And they say things like “apa, you need to fall in love, too” when you refuse to believe their fellow 14 year old friends are in love with their pubescent, underage drivers with too much pocket-money boyfriends. I can’t decide which is worse: admonitions from younger siblings, or retired uncles lusting over Diya Mirza at eid dinners.

Vulnerability
Newsflash: Boys love vulnerable girls. I read an article in my freshman year on the “Lean and Hungry” look, which the author used to describe twiggies and skinny people in general, and how they almost by virtue (vice) of being so lean and hungry and emaciated, were suspect. As opposed to the well-fed and wholesome look which was much more trusting. A certain someone I know is always the object of every man’s affection. Now, I know of them shallow sorts who only look at faces, but now I’ve realized what the charm is. She epitomizes the “vulnerable”,“I need a savior” look(not the same as damsel in distress, mind you – needs further explanation). And you boys love that, don’t you?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

09/02/09 Actually.

It’s unnerving to say the least when your laptop crashes. But it is devastating when it is returned to you in working condition, less My Documents. It’s all gone. My poems, stories, ramblings, research papers, pdf files, articles, presentations. The only thing I don’t really miss is the lyrics folder. ‘She Speaks’ will be greatly missed. Especially the stuff which was never meant to be posted, but kept safe in a secret time capsule of sorts; For comfort. For old time’s sake.
Speaking of which, the phrase ‘old time’s sake’ is, in my opinion, terribly overrated. An old friend recently very astutely suggested, ‘love the present’. The present should be celebrated. Old time’s sake is just an imaginary construct of better times, the days of yore, when we had braces and knock-knees. Hell, those were hardly better times. Simpler times perhaps.
I watched a terribly lame film today, on a cousin’s insistence. Not only were the characters psychotic, spastic and irrational, Ben and Jen turned out to be the only normal couple of all. Plus, Scarlet needs to get out of her grey t-shirt phase and start wearing real clothes. Now, I could go on and rant about some more stuff on my mind, but I am actually feeling sleepy earlier than my usual ridiculous bedtime. I wonder how long it takes to fully digest a Zinger.

Monday, September 21, 2009

5 Minute Poems III: My Bleeding Nose.

(to be sung to the tune of Leona Lewis’s Bleeding Love, preferably)

Clogged up all morn, I didn’t need the pain
One kestine seemed enough, but it was all in vain
Time started to pass,
My snot turned into molten

Oww

Then something happened for the very first time in the loo,
I blew my nose and my face started turning blue
Ali entered my room and thought I was going crazy
(I didn’t have asthma as a baby)

But I don’t care what they say,
I don’t have the flu
It’s a case of allergy
Called hay fever too,
My nose’s crippled by the pollen I keep on breathing
Its chokes me up and I

Keep sneezing and wheezing
With an itchy throat,
Keep sneezing, wheezing
With a bleeding nose
I keep sneezing, sneezing with
A bleeding nose

Oww x2

I try hard not to sneeze
With the elders around
Disgusted eyerolls; they try to dodge my ‘germs’ away
A nosebleed don’t get you no sympathy these days
Yet I know they just wish
That I’d carry a hanky

It’s not contagious but I
Keep getting glares and dirty looks
As if I enjoy the undue attention and
Don’t carry tissues on purpose
If only they knew the pain in repressing ones sneezes

Cos nothing’s greater than an unrestricted sneeze out loud
It might splatter, but I promise there’s no germs involved
If only my nose weren’t this sensitive
I wouldn’t be complaining

Cos no matter what I take
A pill or syrup too
Incidal is a pain
And Panadol won’t do
I’ve tried tissues (rose petal and flying), but they’re equally scratchy
They cut me open and I

Keep sneezing and wheezing
With watery eyes,
Keep sneezing, wheezing
Now its no surprise,
I keep sneezing, sneezing with
A bleeding nose


And its draining all of me
It’s not cool to be the kid with nosebleeds
But I’ll be sneezing no more, once autumn season leaves…

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Routes vs. Roots

I was part of a team which made a documentary with the above title. Only, it was about South Asian diaspora in the UK and identity crises they face, analysed through film. And although we played on the notion of samosas, dosas and half baked goras, our own young generation back home seems to be facing its own special predicament. While a ‘good India bride should make perfectly round chapaatis’ instead of playing football with her mayts, the good Pakistani girl cliché seems to take its own transfiguration or mutation - whichever seems more relevant at the moment.

Because, apparently having your own opinion counts as being badtameez. Having studied more than a Bachelor’s degree makes you a know-it-all, and not wanting to hear someone state the obvious, makes you insolent. A fight can turn into you being given the option to move out into your own apartment (who’da thought?)

Yesterday we were talking about finding an escape route. Everyone needs to get out at some point in time, be it going abroad for college, moving away to a new city to work, or other transitions entailing some level of permanent change. I am still trying to figure out my escape route, but ideas are welcome.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

M.

We were both born in deserts, separated by continents. We grew up together, 4 months apart. You and I. We both wore shorts, till you grew 4 inches taller, and had to buy clothes from the ladies section. You said I had hair like Barbie, but we both know your braid was double the thickness of mine. We were bobbing balloons in the lawn when a flying cockroach landed on your head and you got excited thinking the balloon had returned from the terrace. Later someone told us all cockroaches fly. You wore a black velvet dress and pearls on your tenth birthday, and then spilled ice cream on it. I helped scrub out the stain.

We made wire jewelry, and ‘dumped’ hot bead patterns on the carpet. Watched Beauty and the Beast, and knew all the songs by heart. We still do. Then we invented Gaston Moo-Moo-Moo, where Ali was always Gaston, Bia Lefou and the rest of us Belles. Needless to say, we never had to chase.

I sat in front of class, you at the back. We both were toppers, though not so great at math.
We never competed, though given many a chance. We were above and beyond competition. We were equals, in our own unique ways. I made you a talker, you made me a thinker. You taught me how to take chances and believe in love. I knew if you did, I might too one day.

And when I saw the gold and peach silk, embellished with stones and pearls, everyone’s oohs and aahs became mere blurs, as I shared a silent moment with myself. I smiled through tears, as I always do. I was happy and sad at the bittersweet feeing of having to let go of one of my most cherished friends.

All the girls chatted away, as the mothers and aunts read tasbeehs, siparas and duas for you. I read a whole sipara for you silently in the corner, because I would do anything for you. And I said a silent prayer in my heart. They talked about girls making the home, a successful woman being one who builds strong relationships of love with her in-laws and husband. You are going to become someone’s wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, even mother, one day. But this time, I’m not going to be sitting on the pavement with you having Country cold coffee.

A part of me is acutely sad, yet ecstatic. I’ll have to come to terms to letting go, and sharing you with someone else. And we both know I was never good at sharing.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

There is no(place like) Spain

I am looking for the remote control, on a bed with no sheets or pillow cases on the pillows, having been denied my usual place of slumber, by default. I wore black socks tonight, so my pink toes are striped instead of plain, but I brushed my teeth and pulled off the night routine with ease. I bought my first piece of bling today, coming scarily closer to Z’s 8th grade pearls, “you know Channay, if you wore a diamond stud in your nose and struck this pose (shoving a Tupac Shakur CD under my desk), you would look JUST like him!” Not knowing whether to be offended or flattered, I continued writing my impeccable science notes in purple fountain-pen ink, while Z continued to burn her desk with a lighter.

The fact that I have been likened to men, and that too black athletes or celebrities doesn’t say much about my style or looks. Despite all I have learnt to embrace the martian; at least Spanish men thought I was Moroccan or Arab, and I knew it was my cue to be flattered for sure, this time.

My photographic memory hasn’t done me many favours recently, as I kept relying on it for anecdotes of my travels and general day to day observations. My planner was my sole companion these 15 days where I did not carry a pen and paper, wear a watch, carry a functioning mobile phone, or wear socks. Ah, the liberation! No makeup after the first 3 days (except for nights out), one pair of flipflops, which roamed the dirt paths of the Alhambra, danced the wooden floors of Mae West Baby Vamp in Neptuno (wait for further elaboration), went to the beach, in hostel shower cubicles, and then in a backpack back home. It proved to be the best spent 7 Euros of the trip. Paisa Vasool.

Barcelona had crisp air and a recurrent cool breeze throughout the day. We had an attic on Caller Roger de Lluria to ourselves which overlooked pinkish ochre buildings with quaint balconies and potted plants. We reserved ourselves from the clichés, still. Saw Gaudi’s architecture, walked to Park Guell like mofos only to realize had we taken the regular route (ignoring my insistence) there was an escalator that got you up there, from the main road. The uphill hand, I called it. Walked all over, at every hour, got hugged by random Spanish boys on the streets, ate 2 Euro burgers (never again), saw all that there was to be seen and got half price tickets on the night train without the infamous ‘star card’. Even walked to the marina and tried to overcome fears of bridges. Obviously, it didn’t work and I had to run across when I realized there were gaps between the planks. I am probably not doing much justice to the city right now, but each city we visited kept exceeding expectations of the previous, that Barcelona seemed plain in contrast. So for all those lamers who show off of spending their summer in Barcelona: you only made it to the pre party.

“Donde Cheap drinks, Hot guys and Good Music?” through the course of the night, deteriorated into “donde cheap guys, hot drinks and any music?” Also, either sentence spoken in a Spanish accent (contact Z for demonstration) received many more responses, rather than the usual, quick dismissal of “non hablo anglais”.

Case in point: the three hour walk in the streets of Granada, 11pm onwards, looking for Neptuno. After hours upon hours of rejecting places, closed bars, and out of business clubs, asking directions from only the good-looking passersby, we reached Neptuno. Apparently the most happening place for the young local crowd, we instead were faced with an empty (and closed) shopping mall/Cineplex. A walk around the corner revealed a huge staircase with a sign on top – bearing the picture of a local version of Betty Boop wearing a black leotard, reading ‘Mae West, The Baby Vamp’. The ‘err’ which escaped Z and my mouth simultaneously were not entirely audible to Happy Z as she skipped up the stairs to ask the bouncer if the place was nice. Of course he wasn’t biased.

Z then went in to check the place out, and returned, saying “it’s decent and there’s English music – it seems promising.” Having walked in the aforementioned flipflops for 3 hours by then, I was ready to spend those 10 euros, for better or worse, while Not-so-Happy Z apprehensively looked around, saying “isn’t there a Flamenco place we could go to instead? I read about it in the Lonely Planet.” After many an eyeroll and persuasion, all three of us landed up inside the wooden, ship-like interior of a bar, with 10 people sitting around the counter. A KT Tunstall song was blaring from the speakers as we exchanged mixed looks and plonked down on three bar stools. The two boys next to us were kind enough to share the candy dish, trying to chat up Lively Z off and on.

After forcibly enjoying the incongruous bar music, Z and I headed to explore the rest of the place, thinking the ‘most happening’ place of Granada had to have more to offer. And we were right! One step into the swinging doors opened up into Alice’s Wonderland. A huge split level wooden floor, jampacked with people, Calle Ocho blaring from the speakers, flat TV screens lining the ceiling, (you get my drift). Excitedly we hurried back to Z who was in the middle of a conversation with Raphael (the one in the blue shirt), who then introduced us to his friend: Raul, the Flamenco dancer. Overwhelmed by our discovery of the dance floor, instead of shaking hands with Raul, I leant in and kissed him on the forehead! Then I smiled to myself and skipped away to dance. I didn’t meet another Raul during the rest of the trip. I guess Spanish clichés aren’t really much to go by after all. Grin*

And we thought Barcelona was rocking, after our first night in the chic Carpe Diem, a beachside club/lounge followed by the seedy opium where men insisted on showing us ‘magic tricks’. Needless to say, we left soon after. Well, Granada turned out to be even more happening, in spite of being a smaller, landlocked town. The hamam probably added more to the charm as well. Think: aromatherapy, 7 pools of water (one ice cold, the rest warm in varying degrees), a massage, green tea and sweets. We had washed off the Barca exhaustion and were ready for Tarifa.

Time to time I scribbled in my diary. This is obviously not verbatim.

19th July, 2009
We’re all moving, in different directions, on different vehicles. The startling blue of the Mediterranean en route Tarifa (the windiest beaches in Spain are here) is as enchanting as the Bosporus, if not more. After having a stupendous breakfast (stolen from ‘The Stupendous Brunch’ which happened much later) of salmon and cream cheese with bread, butter, a huevo frito and zumo, the morning couldn’t have been better. Until we realized we were singing, because Alanis’s Jagged Little Pill was the album of the hour. Good music always increases the palatability of food.

In spite of being on the move, we’re all in limbo. We’re all at different stages, I think to myself, as I stare out of the window. Sometimes windmills also stop, even on the windiest of beaches.


Surfer dude haven Tarifa is a 30 minute ferry ride from Tangier, Morocco. But were told Marrakesh is the only city worth visiting, which is 10 hours deep inland. Chucking that plan, we head out to swim in the Mediterranean. Good choice.

Despite 3 layers of sunblock (after each dip), we lie in the sand, only to emerge as sand-coated gingerbread women. The press and pour showers in the hostel also aren’t very affable when sand is discovered in the folds of one’s ears, amongst other places. Proud to have managed to beat the direct rays of the sun, we awake the next morning with the backs of our knees and shins burnt. That was always a tricky angle!

The next beach in Cadiz, where the infamous orange bikini scene (and others) from Die another Day was shot, had less seaweed; water from the Mediterranean and Atlantic merge here. So I swum in the ocean, and bobbed on the waves, and watched people tan their white bodies. In Europe, people prefer more evenly spread tans, and make no bones about it. Publicly. At least I wasn’t with my parents this time.

We roamed the old town in both cities, walked down to the fortifications, ate tapas like nobody’s business and laughed all the way home. Home in this case being Casa Caracol, a quirky back-packers inn (which we found about randomly in Barcelona from Vivienna at the internet café), caracol meaning snail in Spanish (the burden of the backpack = snails shell). The bhangiest place I had ever visited in my life, we slept on bunkbeds with 8 other people the first night, flat on our backs, afraid to turn over lest our faces rub against the pillows. Bedtime was usually 6 am, till which everyone chilled in the lounge, played Sudoku, had jam sessions on the guitar, made dinner, talked – all high of course. For a second I thought the caracol signified the pace at which everyone worked, slow, but Scott explained otherwise. Then he went on to ask me how to say “you’re a dirty mermaid” in Urdu. Apparently he was making a compilation and had already covered Polish, Dutch, French, Spanish and whatever language is spoken in Croatia.

The following night we slept on the roof, in hammocks .The next morning after a jaw-breaking breakfast of muesli and pears, we bid our roommate Tobias farewell at the bus stop and departed for Sevilla, at 9am sharp.


23rd July, 2009
I heard someone say Barcelon-err, in Sevilla. Of course he was British, but just another one on my list, I suppose. Z left day before yesterday and the two of us remaining adventurers are on a bus to Cordoba. “The end will never be ready”, she said, before getting on the tram at Plaza Neuvo.


Sevilla was an instant favourite, primarily because the river that flows through the city was called Alfonso. We celebrated Z’s early departure at the only open café during siesta in Triana, with a bottle of chilled water and Tropicana.

And then I got heatstroke.

But we managed a quick dinner of Gazpacho and Raveoli outside the Catedral, speaking Arabic with the Moroccan waiter. I choked on the atmosphere, by the fountain, but survived. Then we took the long road home so we could make fun of Baghal King. The next day, I slept in till 2pm from heat exhaustion and the deep fried cuttlefish from the previous day’s lunch. It was then we swore never to have seafood for the rest of the trip.

In Cordoba, my memories are of the food, the food and well, the mezquita of course. The mosque converted cathedral was a pleasure to the eyes till you saw the chapels which had been added to the original mosque. Awestruck by the red and white arches, yet disappointed by the incongruous decorative additions, we walked by the river at night, feasting our eyes on the lit up mesquite from outside, the sliver of the moon in the sky and the intense, almost disturbing Flamenco performance we had seen the night before. At night, we returned to our apartment (yes, we had an apartment) and decided Z had tanned 5 shades darker than her original skin colour, and I, 4 times.

The return journey comprised of a lone 10.5 hour train ride to Barcelona, Sants Estacio by night, a 10 minute metro ride to Place de Catalunya, a 30 minute ride on the Aerobus to the Airport (wrong terminal). A subsequent 20 minute shuttle ride to Terminal 2, a soggy tuna baguette and bland wedges, and a relay of mp3 player playlist (x4) during the 6 hour wait till my flight. I, who can never sleep on most plane journeys, was out like a light before take off, and next thing you know, I could smell Lahore.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Before Sunrise

Ironically, stories and blog posts loomed in my head as I stared at the moon. It was agreed, in unison, that it is waxed 97.2%. Since I haven’t seen the moon since then, it should be full by tonight. I sit in a mountain of clothes, 2 cheque books, a reading package from senior year and a yellow dupatta, recovering from last nights delirium. Although my dreams are things creepy movies could be made of, delirious nightmares are another genre altogether. I dreamt of dancing with you in the bathroom of my old house. The ceramic bathroom tiles are the same shade of pink, but somehow, there are rusty iron-clad windows on the ceiling, and an entire glass wall caged in with grills. The floor has grass growing out of it, and I distinctly remember a tree or two. Surprisingly enough, I can’t recall which song was playing. Perhaps one of the oft repeated pub tunes.

I woke up the next morning, remembering a draft I had saved in my unsent messages at 7:24am. And then I remembered how I had traded the perfect life for the full moon. Just like that.

Monday, May 18, 2009

What Women Want

We all want the cherry on top,
The silver lining,
The cream of the crop

The eyes of a tiger
The wit of a muse
Hair black as a raven
A distinctive mark, or scar, or bruise

The intelligence of my dad
The mischief of a lad
Integrity and the ethics,
But adventures like Sindbad

But what else could he say or do to please me?
Here’s a few recommendations, how hard could it possibly be?

Every month, a week-full of fresh flowers
The ability to talk (i.e. mostly listen) till the wee hours,
Sweet tooth ESP would work quite well
Handmade birthday cards are also swell

Perfection; but just the right amount
‘Your’ vs. ‘you’re’ certainly does count
For instance, your accent on crème brulee
Could really (really) make my day

The speed of Bailey, the skill of Z
A good luck charm, a 4-leafed clover (not three)
Acquired tastes, for let’s say, Jazz
The acoustic voice of Jason Mraz

A best friend and listener like the Zs
Uses unleaded petrol and likes to hug trees
An advisor, discerning between right and wrong
Picks up on obscure references like, El-Kabong

Could don a dhoti, or even a suit
Clean as a whistle, not necessarily a flute
Cooks chicken karahi in (less than) half an hour
Smells great all the time and loves to shower

Bug, reptile and moth exterminator
Profound; perhaps a poet or orator
Planner to the tee, yet a spontaneous spirit
Decent features, stable health, and good genes to inherit

Pokes some fun, cracks a joke, pays an honest compliment
A believer, not a sinner; yet grateful and content
Wise and calm like the sages
Yet pays the bills, earns the wages

I don’t really ask for much at all
Just someone to catch me when I fall
Grab my elbow, lest I trip
Pull me back up, when I begin to slip

Did I mention he should be brave?
And be my loyal and worthy slave
If so, I shall try and reciprocate
But till that time, I must wait.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Everything is Average Nowadays

Being a cheapster has become a novelty; today I heard a car with booming speakers after many months or perhaps years. It was almost pleasant, as if I missed the woofer which was previously inherent to civics with tinted windows, on any given main boulevard. With everyone having access to the latest fashions, accessories, electronics, you can’t really tell people apart, unless you hear them speak. Not that I am making a value judgment, it being a change for better or worse, but everything is so easy nowadays. Including a personality makeover. Alternative is the new mainstream.

Even being random, as Z says, has become clichéd.

This is why I make no effort to join the bandwagon. I will not replace my three year old phone (with a weak battery), because it gives me character; what would I be in an endless pool of blackberrys and iphones? Another you, you (you, and you, recurring decimal), with a piece of metal glued to my ear. I’ll pass.

Even being heartbroken, hurt or twisted is clichéd, or overdone. What to be next? For the time being I’ll click my heels down the cement-tiled road, while you glide in your pins and stripes, with a sparkle in your palm.

I like come undone by Robbie Williams, when it randomly played on my itunes. You should listen to it, if you want. Don’t if you don’t want to. The new fad will probably be indifference, but till it takes the centerstage (center/centre?) I shall sing songs.

So get your coats were leaving
We’ll just do something else.